


Lost and Found

by outoftheashes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Artist Castiel (Supernatural), Bartender Sam Winchester, Bottom Castiel, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester UST, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, M/M, Multi, POV Sam Winchester, Paramedic Dean Winchester, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Sexual Experimentation, Spitroasting, Team Free Will Big Bang 2018, Threesome - M/M/M, Top Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 06:35:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15989681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outoftheashes/pseuds/outoftheashes
Summary: After a stint in the psych ward and loss of a long term relationship, Sam starts the next chapter of his life questioning his sexuality and recognizing he needs to stop his self-imposed isolation. He decides to experiment with Cas Novak, a hedonistic artist in an open relationship. There’s a problem, though - Cas’s partner is Sam's estranged brother Dean.





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AzrielRose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzrielRose/gifts), [zombieutopia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombieutopia/gifts), [multishippinglover](https://archiveofourown.org/users/multishippinglover/gifts).



> Thank you to my talented (and very patient) artist Juli/Osnaart! Their beautiful creation gave me the desire to keep going.  
> And of course, a huge thank you to the moderators of the Team Free Will Bang. Go read all the lovely entries here: https://tfwbigbang.tumblr.com/
> 
> Leave the artist love here:  
> https://osnaart.tumblr.com/post/178080794474/lost-and-found-a-team-free-will-story-ive
> 
> Please note that Sam's a bit of an unreliable narrator in this fic. Therefore, if he says something, it might not be totally accurate. If this bothers you, turn back now. 
> 
> This fic contains references to past hospitalization. There is also a very brief mention (and no detail is given) of drug use by Dean. It is not the focus of this fic, so I wasn't sure if I should tag it because it's so easily missed but I just wanted to lay it out here in case that bothered anyone.

 

All Sam wants to do is escape and nap before work but instead he's wasting precious time at the pharmacy, waiting for his pills to be filled. He groans, rubbing a hand over his face as he paces the aisles. "Fuck this," Sam mutters.  
  
His phone rings and a stupid part of him hopes it’s Sarah. Despite their messy break and the many, _many_ months that have passed, he misses her. He misses having a warm body in his bed. He misses companionship. Those memories are far better than the crushing loneliness of today. One look at his phone when he fishes it out of his pocket slams him back to reality - it's Dean. Of course it's Dean. Why would it be anyone else?  
  
" _Fuck_ this," Sam repeats louder than necessary as he ignores the call and shoves it back into his pocket.

A tall blonde peeks around the corner and down Sam's aisle. "Hey,” she says gently. "You okay?"

Sam flinches. He forces himself to look her in the eyes. "I'm fine. Sorry I bothered you."

She takes slow, halting steps towards Sam. "You don't look fine.”

Sam shuffles backwards and guilt slams into him. _Intimacy is more than sex, Sam._ That's what his therapist always says. She wants him to be intimate and open with people and it doesn't need to be sexual. This moment with a woman in a pharmacy would be good practice, he knows it would, but he's not sure he can.  
  
"Even if I'm not fine, you're a stranger.”

"I'm Jess,” Jess says, holding out her hand.  "Now I'm I’m not a stranger. You're waiting for meds? Me too. Why don't we grab a coffee and you can vent. Decompress. Whatever you want.”

Sam shakes his head. "Thanks but I'm not interested. I gotta start a shift in a few hours and I wanna sleep before I go in."  
  
Jess turns to go then hesitates. She watches Sam over her shoulder. "You look familiar."

Sam freezes. He can't breathe. "Maybe you've seen me here before. I've been using the pharmacy for a few months," he says even though he can tell it isn't what Jess means.

“No. I think I've seen you at a party before."

Sam swallows hard. He used to be fun at parties. Used to make sure everyone was taken care of. Satisfied. Now he can’t even take care of himself. The Sam this woman might have met? He doesn't exist anymore. He's dead.

 "It's possible. But why would that matter?"

"I guess it doesn't.”

Sarah had accused Sam of loving Dean more than her and their relationship was never the same after that. No matter what sacrifices Sam made, it was never enough. And, if Sam is fully honest, he knows she's right. Sam had practically worshipped Dean growing up. The bond Sam has with Dean is twisted and complicated and even after breaking contact Dean haunts him day and night.  
  
"It's just a bad time," Sam rasps. "Take care, Jess.”

"You too. Have a good shift." Her eyes linger on him a moment more before she turns and leaves.

Sam's chest is heavy as Jess walks away. He touches it, gasping for breath. Cutting Dean out of his life didn't save his relationship with Sarah. It didn't make him happier. Sarah had said Dean was trouble - so why has his mental health declined instead of getting better after ignoring his brother?

 

* * *

 

   
It takes a few more weeks of wallowing for Sam to follow his therapist's advice and look into hookup sites and apps with a focus on ones that will feed his curiosity surrounding men. It's becoming increasingly clear he needs to start a new chapter in his life, let go of the past - so why hold back? The problem is, he has no fucking clue where to start. He's at a loss for how dating apps even work. Which is why he’s researching. The consensus seems to be that if Sam wants a quick hookup, Grindr is the way to go.  
  
After downloading the app, he takes longer than he cares to admit setting up his profile. Include social media or no? He opts out. He watches too much Forensic Files to be okay with handing out everything at once. Sam goes with a picture where a beer bottle is against his lips and tongue because, let's face it, he has an oral fixation and he might as well broadcast that loud and clear. Sam's tagline isn't unique but it also hopefully gets the point across - "life's about stepping outside your comfort zone."  
  
He begins browsing and almost deactivates Grindr then and there. “White dudes only" and "no femmes" and such nonsense makes him wonder why these discriminating assholes even bother. It's a full week before Sam finds a notification on his phone. Someone messaged him on the app.  
  
C: With looks like yours, I would be more than happy to help you with your 'comfort zone.'

Sam groans when he reads the message, preparing for a full blown creep. He once read that finding men on Grindr was a lot like finding odd deep sea creatures in the ocean. He has to admit it’s accurate.  
  
Still...  
  
He swipes to see a full size picture of whoever messaged him and chokes on his own spit. The guy - _Cas_ \- is 5'11", available, clearly in shape, and has the most devious smile Sam has ever seen. Then he catches sight of the tagline - "willing to lie about how we met" and snorts.  
  
S: do lines like that work for you often?    
  
C: Sometimes. Did it work on you?  
  
S: I dunno. Are you even real? You seem too pretty to be on here, dude.  

C: I was thinking the same thing about you.

S: You're laying it on pretty thick.

 The next message takes a little longer than the rest.  
  
C: I suppose I'm just eager.

Sam bites his lip, mulling that over. Cas might have the right idea. Sam's preparing for chitchat, meanwhile Cas is complimenting his looks and wanting to get within touching distance as soon as possible.  
  
S: I think most of us on here are. Appreciate the honesty. I notice your relationship status says "available", not single... is your partner gonna be okay with us hooking up?

C: Yes. He and I are in an open relationship.    
S: Okay. Well, just so you know, if we meet up, I'll be sending your location and face to someone I trust. Can't be too careful.  

C: You know how to stay safe. That's good.

S: Ready for the ground rules?

 C: Ready and willing.

 

* * *

 

  
Sam shows up at the agreed upon cafe ten minutes early and orders a blueberry muffin in hopes that it will settle his nerves. He finds a window seat and sits down, fingering a hole in the knee of his jeans instead of eating.  
  
God. Why is he wearing such a simple outfit? Well-worn jeans with a boring white shirt. Is it okay to wear crappy clothes for a hookup? Should he have dressed up, shown off his assets?  
  
So many questions he wishes he knew the answers to.

  _Dean would know._

 Nope. Not going there.  
  
“Hello, Sam.”

 Sam jerks in his seat and stares up into electric blue eyes. He relaxes when he takes in Cas’s navy t-shirt and jeans just as casual as his own.

Sam’s dick twitches when Cas smirks. _Fuck._ Well. That answers one question. Cas isn't a bot or catfish and Sam's dick likes Cas in person too. Maybe he’s straight. Maybe he isn't. But there's no denying how attractive Cas is.

 “Hey. Uh. Can I eat my muffin here?”  
  
"Of course. Do you want a drink to go with that muffin?"  
  
Sam swallows hard. "What kind of drink?" he asks dumbly. Christ, it’s been less than a minute and he doesn’t know if he should hide or make himself at home. Press closer to Cas. His body and mind are confused.

  _Dean would be smooth. He would have already suggested sucking Cas off in the bathroom. No angst and socially awkward behavior required._

 But that's the thing. Sam's not Dean. His mating dance is clumsy. Dean’s got casual sex down to a damn _art_.

 At least he did when Sam knew him.

  _Stop it. Don't go there._

Cas licks his lips, flashing a grin, shark-like. "I suggest an iced coffee. They’re divine here."  
  
Sam tracks the movement of Cas's tongue with his eyes before he can stop himself. "No harm in trying it.”  
  
"I'll be right back."

 Cas turns to get the drinks. It doesn’t take long for him to come back. He places a caramel iced coffee in front of Sam and sits across from him.

 “Thanks,” Sam manages.

 Cas nods and places the tip of the paper cover from the straw between his teeth and pulls the whole thing off, eyes on Sam. “How are you feeling?”  
  
A soft noise leaves Sam's mouth. His fingers grip the table. "I don't know," he says, taking in a cleansing breath. "Excited. Nervous. I went through most of my life thinking I was straight.”  
  
Cas smiles, still staring and takes a sip of his drink, tongue caressing the straw. "Is that so?"

Sam chews on his own lip, nodding. "Have you played with guys who thought or said they were straight before?"  
  
Cas's smile turns smug. "I have."  
  
Sam finally picks off a piece of muffin and pops it into his mouth. "I'm sure it didn't take much coaxing on your part."  
  
Cas's smile widens. "Why do you think that?"  
  
Sam squirms in his seat. "No reason." He pauses, taking another breath. "I don't know how to do this. The blowjob is gonna suck. Honestly, I'm afraid I'm gonna crash and burn. So if any of that bothers you -"  
  
"Your sweet looking mouth will make it worth it. Even if it's the sloppiest blowjob I’ve ever received.”  
  
Sam’s thankful there’s no muffin on his tongue when Cas talks about Sam’s _sweet_ mouth because he inhales weird and makes a noise somewhere between dying and desperate. “Oh my god.”  
  
Cas takes off the lid of his iced coffee and swipes the tip of a finger through the whipped cream on top and sucks it into his mouth. “Don’t get worked up already. We’re in public, Sam.”

  _Too fucking late._

 “If you promise not to kill me and wear my skin, I think I'm ready to go back to your place.”

 Cas leans forward and drags a finger over Sam’s knuckles. “You're far too pretty to maim like that.”

“Exactly what a charismatic serial killer would say,” Sam replies weakly. “All right. I'm ready to go.”

“You seem nervous,” Cas murmurs in Sam's ear once they both stand up. “I can work with that.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Bedroom?” Sam asks, heart racing. “Couch? Where do you wanna do this?”

“The bedroom might be too intimidating,” Cas says in a tone that suggests he's used to getting what he wants. Cas puts his keys in a dish by the door and removes his shoes. “I’d like to kiss you.”

“God, yes. Please,” Sam breathes out.

Cas surges into his space, takes Sam's  face in his hands, and kisses him slow and dirty. Cas tastes and feels infinitely different than what he's used to. He's harder. Insistent. It slams the point home. Cas is a man. Sam's kissing a man. Touching a man.

 And he _likes_ it.

“ _Cas_.”

When Cas pulls back, his lips are kiss-swollen. His eyes are so fucking dark. “I want to touch you.”

“I'm supposed to touch _you_ ,” Sam reminds him.

“Fine.” Cas lets out an unhappy noise but doesn't push it. He walks backward into the living room, pulling off his shirt. Cas owns his skin, radiating confidence.

“Jeans too,” Sam blurts out, hating himself for having no patience. God, he's too fucking eager. His eyes linger on Cas’s body, finding it too intense to watch his face.

Cas shimmies out of his jeans and boxers. He's fully naked and Sam can barely breathe at the sight of him. His hard cock looks wet from where Sam's standing. Cas gives his dick a few teasing strokes, aware of Sam's gaze on him.

Sam's chest heaves as he crowds into Cas's space and falls to his knees. He nuzzles at Cas’s hand that's still stroking his cock. “Can't suck you if you don't move your hand.”

“Sure you can,” Cas breathes out in a way that makes Sam pulse quicken and dick twitch. But he lets go, cock bobbing in front of Sam's face. “Shaved myself for you. Figured you'd like everything smooth for your first time. You're welcome.”

“You don't normally shave?” Sam asks dumbly while Cas’s dick remains inches from his mouth.

_Don’t you dare get flustered over this. Keep it together._

“I do. But I made sure there was no stubble for you.” Cas rolls his hip, dick dragging along Sam's cheek. “You're blushing. That's fucking adorable.”

“Am not.” Sam gazes up at Cas as his tongue darts out, teasing the cockhead. Testing the sensation of what dick in his mouth is like. He moans, clumsily exploring Cas’s shaft.

_Do straight guys try cock? Do they moan and get hard while on their knees for a man?_

“There you go.” Cas's dick jerks against Sam's lips.

“What's your favorite way to get sucked off?” Sam asks between slow, deliberate licks.

“With a finger in my hole,” Cas replies with a devilish grin. “But that's up to you.”

“Maybe we can try later. I dunno yet.” Sam sucks on the tip of Cas’s dick, hesitant to take in more. “Told you this would suck.”

Cas traces a finger over the hollow of Sam's throat up to his chin. “Relax. It'll help me slide in.”

“Are you sure you wanna do this out here?” Sam rasps.

“Would you feel more comfortable in the bedroom?” Cas tugs on Sam's hair gently.

“I'm contemplating taking off my clothes,” he admits. “So… the bedroom might help with that.”

“Bedroom it is,” Cas says, eyes blown wide with lust and looking almost wild as he reaches out to help Sam to his feet.

Sam lets out a half-nervous, half-amused chuckle. “You wanna see me naked pretty bad then?”

“You look like you have a nice body under those clothes.”

Once in the bedroom, he tears off his shirt, eyes on Cas. “Well?” he prompts as he starts working on his pants.

“Perfect,” Cas breathes out, looking _hungry._

Sam pulls out his dick, showing off the length and hardness. “And this?”

“Are you sure you don't want me to suck _you_ off? I'm good with my mouth.”  

“I'm sure you are but that's not what we agreed to,” Sam says weakly.

“Shame,” Cas says. He makes his way over to the bed, sits down, and spreads his legs. The tilt of his lips says he knows exactly how delicious he looks. “But I will respect that.”

Sam swallows thickly, taking Cas in. His stomach shouldn't be doing uncomfortable flips. His chest shouldn't be tight. There shouldn't be a permanent lump in his throat. He's already had his mouth on Cas, what is his _problem_? Cas. Cas is his problem. Because Sam doesn't want to be cautious. He wants to be impulsive. Reckless.   “Then we'll get along just fine.”

At least they will if Sam can stop being a mess.

“I don't suppose you'd model for me?”

_Don't fuck this up._

Anxiety and depression are a cruel thing. Even simple interactions or day to day activities and self care can become a near impossible task. But Sam doesn't want to go down without a fight. He wants to live, not merely survive. He doesn't want to isolate himself from everyone and lose every damn chance at friendship he gets. It didn't used to be this hard.

_I can do this. I can. Have to._

If he doesn't go through with this, if he doesn't play with Cas, he'll always regret it. He wants to be good. He wants the breakthrough his therapist keeps talking about. Maybe this interaction with Cas could be the start of that breakthrough.

_So don't fucking lose your shit._

“Sam? Where did you go?”

Sam twitches, heat rising on his neck. “Uh.”

“Do you need anything?” Cas’s brows are drawn together and he looks like he's two seconds from standing up and ending this.

“No! No. I'm okay.” Sam gets down on his knees, making himself at home between Cas’s thighs.

Cas strokes the edge of Sam's mouth then guides Sam to his dick with a gentle hand in his hair and fingers on the back of his neck. “Good. Let me know if that changes.”

When Sam takes Cas inside his mouth as deep as he can go, he _knows_ it won't change. He's all in and aching for more.

 

* * *

 

 

He shouldn’t be here. He's a one night stand, he shouldn't be cuddling with Cas in his bed. Shouldn't be naked and so _happy_ about being naked. But Cas isn't complaining; he isn't asking him to leave.

Sam dozes, drifting in and out of consciousness with his head on Cas’s chest, listening to his heart and breathing when he hears the front door open and close.

“Cas?”

Sam’s eyes snap open, body on red alert. “What the fuck? Who the fuck is _that?_ ” he hisses.

Sam already knows the answer. No mistaking that voice.

“My boyfriend’s home,” Cas answers simply.

“What gives, Cas? Your clothes are - Sammy!” Dean enters the room. “You're… still here.”

“Wait a second.” Sam sits up, betrayal that he's not sure he has a right to feel filling his chest. “You didn't _warn me_? You knew Cas was gonna fuck around with me and you didn't say anything?”

“If I had called, would you have answered? No, because you've been ignoring my calls for months, including the last one,” Dean shoots back. “And ‘hey, the guy you wanna fuck is my partner’ ain't the kind of shit I'm okay with putting in a text.”

Sam's jaw clenches in frustration. “Could have told Cas to pick someone else.”

Cas puts a warm hand on Sam's shoulder. It's probably meant to comfort him or make him docile but only manages to make him sick instead. “Dean and I are in an open relationship. I sleep with anyone I want, whenever I want. I wanted _you._ ”

“That doesn’t let Dean off the hook.” Sam's lower lip trembles and his eyes burn with unshed tears. He gets out of bed and gathers up his clothes in his arms, hugging them to his chest. “Neither of you thought it important to inform me that Dean was in the picture. What was I, a pity fuck? Was this a ploy to get me in the same room as Dean? I don't fucking get what the motive was.”

“Cas was interested in you and invited you out. That's literally it, Sam.”

“Oh, please,” Sam spits out, all venom.

“You were not a pity fuck,” Cas says. He stays in bed but his eyes beg for Sam to listen and understand.

Sam can't.

“Doesn't change the fact that I should have known,” Sam says, pulling on his boxers. “This is my body. My fucking life. I deserve to know if the guy I'm sucking off is with my goddamn brother! It's cool you're in an open relationship. Good for you…” Sam's voice cracks. “But I don't know what to do with the rest of it.”

“Come eat with me,” Dean says, desperation seeping into each syllable. “My treat. There’s a diner right down the street. Please, Sam.”

Sam's simultaneously angry and touched. If it were just anger he could wipe his hands of this situation without looking back. But he can't. He loves his brother and nothing will ever destroy it. “Brother date?”

“Yeah,” Dean rasps.

The fight leaves Sam's body and he nods in agreement. “Okay. Just… leave a minute so I can get dressed?”

“Of course, Sammy.”

When Dean leaves the room, Cas hugs Sam from behind. “My interest in you is genuine.”

“But you weren't honest,” Sam says as firmly as he can. “Whether you wanna believe it or not, I have a right to be upset.”

Cas’s hands fall away from Sam and he moves over to the bed. “I was going to follow those words with an apology but I should have started with that. I'm sorry, Sam.”

Sam follows Cas and sits on the edge of the bed, patting his lap. Cas doesn't hesitate. He's on him in a second, straddling him. “I can't say I forgive you just yet. But I want to.”

“That's fair,” Cas replies, holding Sam. “Maybe give me another chance? I enjoyed our time together.”

“What happened to it being a one night stand?”

“You stayed, we cuddled, and I was doomed,” Cas says.

He's teasing. Sam _knows_ Cas isn't serious about that last bit, at least, but pleasure flares inside him anyway. “You got me to question my sexuality. Seemed rude not to give you extra attention for that.”

Cas hums and shifts his hands so they're exploring Sam’s back. “Will you allow me to make you question your sexuality further?”

“Maybe. You might need to do some more convincing,” Sam rasps in Cas’s ear. “Especially if the meal with Dean is the disaster I'm expecting.”

 

* * *

 

 

Dean keeps staring at him. Sam's not enjoying it. He's enjoying the humming fluorescent lights above them even less.

“It's good to see you.”

“I thought we agreed we were toxic for each other,” Sam says softly. “Thought you were so disappointed in my life choices that we came to an agreement that we should cut ties. So clue me in here. Why is it good to see me?”

Dean swallows, eyes darting around the diner. “We might not have a healthy relationship. I have no fucking clue, Sam. But I've missed you. And I'm not disappointed in you. Quit putting words in my mouth.”

He wants to argue but if he _really_ thinks about it - Dean's right. He never said the words. Sam made assumptions based on Dean's actions and what Sam perceived to be the truth. And Sarah was the one who always insisted his relationship with Dean was problematic and destined to suck the life out of Sam.

It doesn't make him feel any better.

“How much did you tell Cas about us?”

Dean chews on his lip and Sam feels a surge of anger again. It's not fucking _fair_ that Dean's the one looking all delicate. Like he's fragile and big, bad Sam has hurt his feelings.

“Cas knows almost everything. I didn't mean to tell him. Slipped out while drunk and high,” he says. “He knows that our parents are dead. He knows that you dropped out of med school. He knows about the psych ward and that you work for Abaddon now. He knows I've missed being your brother.”

Shame stabs Sam in the stomach. He flushes hot with it. Cas, a near stranger, is aware of his mental break, a sensitive topic he didn't disclose with, well, anyone. Beneath the shame is relief, though. Because it means that despite everything, Cas didn't run away screaming. He thought that, for at least one night, Sam was worth knowing.

“Do you feel any remorse?” Sam blurts out. “Or are you just sorry you got caught?”

A muscle in Dean’s jaw jerks and he flicks the menu. “I thought you would be gone by the time I got back. The plan was for you to come over, do your thing, and leave. You weren't supposed to see me at all. This is a huge fucking misunderstanding. What was it you called it earlier? A ploy? Ulterior motive? Not what it was. Cas thought you were gorgeous _before_ he knew who you were. I've never felt right denying him what he wants. And it's not like he was trying to woo you into a relationship or whatever. Was supposed to be a one and done thing, right?”

“Well, that plan got fucked to hell and back, didn't it?” Sam asks, playing with the hole in his pants. “Got fucked up real good and now I don't know what to think.”

Dean shrugs. “I don't really know what else to say. That's it.”

“A real apology would be a nice start.”

“I'm sorry! I'm really fucking sorry! I didn't mean for you to get hurt. That's the _last_ thing I wanted. Thought seeing Cas might cheer you up. He's. He's good at that.”

Sam doesn't flinch. He takes in all of Dean's expressions. His body language. “Are you sorry enough that if you could have a redo you'd take a different path?”

“ _Yes_ , Sam. I'd do it different. Of course I would. But that doesn't mean I regret seeing you.”

Sam reaches over and places his hand on top of Dean's. “I'm still confused about why you miss me. What were you getting from me that you don't get from Cas?”

It's almost inaudible but Dean's breath hitches. Sam's sure of it. “Cas is my boyfriend and he's awesome. But that's different than what I had with you. I miss how close we used to be. We used to tell eachother everything. You were my best friend. And now… what? I'm just supposed to let you go? Pretend you never existed?”

“Look at me.” Dean sighs but after a moment he meets Sam's gaze. “I miss your hugs. Miss drinking, watching shitty movies, and singing with you. It's just the fighting that got tiring. With you _and_ Sarah. I'm sorry for blowing off your phone calls and not seeing your side of things more. I’ve… I've been pretty miserable. Especially the last few months.”

“Can we try to be in each other's lives again?”

Sam intertwines their fingers. “Sure. I think we've hurt each other enough. Don't you?”

“Yeah.” Dean clears his throat. “We have.”

Sam pulls free from Dean's grasp. “Sorry.”

Dean frowns. “What for?”

Sam bites his lip, gesturing at Dean. “We were holding hands.”

“Ah.” Dean rubs at the back of his neck before signaling for a server.

 

* * *

 

 

As the weeks go by, Sam stays in contact with both Dean and Cas. He tries to take it slow, he really does, but Cas is _filthy_. Unapologetically fucked up. And Dean? Well, it's nice for Dean to be the first one he talks to in the morning. It's way too nice to fall asleep hearing his voice. It's fucking amazing to hear Cas’s gravelly voice in the background, making Dean laugh.

Sam's eating it up.

His phone buzzes, alerting him to yet another text from Cas. Right on time, too. Sam's just finished his shift at Abaddon’s bar and was planning on jerking off thinking about his mouth on Cas, marking him.

Sam leans on his car as he fishes out his cell.

C: I wanna be your slut for the night.

Oh, _god._ Why does he love this so much? Is it because it's _Cas_ or because Cas is Dean’s boyfriend? Who is he kidding, it's both. Fucking around with Cas is easily one of the dirtiest things Sam's ever done.

S: Do I get a say in this?

He waits a few heartbeats, deletes his reply, but ultimately types the same question again and sends it before he can lose his nerve.

Thirty seconds later, he gets another text.

C: Of course you do. But it's what you want, isn't it? To see if I'll turn you so you're strictly into dick? I could swallow you down and hold you in my mouth longer than any girl you've been with could.

The answer to that is an overwhelming _yes_ but he can't bring himself to write it. Fuck it. No point playing tag with texting. He calls Cas’s number and it rings only once before he picks up.

“What are you doing? Where's Dean?” A cool breeze caresses his cheeks and Sam's eyes flutter shut.

“He's at work. I'm bored.”

Sam snorts. “Shouldn't _you_ be working?”

“Hey! I was. I had a model come in earlier,” Cas says with mock outrage. “I don't lay around all day and night, you know. I just happen to be alone, horny, and _bored_.”

“Dangerous combination. Does Dean know you're hitting on me? Did you fuck the model?” Sam palms his clothed crotch, that dirty feeling seeping into him. If he lets himself think about it too much he'll get anxious, so he doesn't. He acts instead of thinks, at least with this. With Cas.

His therapist would be proud. Or maybe not. Sam's trying not to care.

“What do you think?”

Sam groans, licking his lips. “What do you want me to do?”

“You could come here and I'd show you everything you've been missing. Or we could keep going like this. Me telling you what I've been dreaming about since day one. It's up to you.”

Now that the option is on the table Sam doesn't think he can pass it up.

 _‘_ “What am I missing?”

“Have you ever put your cock into anything other than a mouth or a pussy?”

Sam's thankful he's alone. The question has him squirming and hot all over. He yanks his car door open, climbs in and buckles up, heart rabbiting in his chest. “I'll be right over.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Where are you?” Sam breathes out as he closes the front door.

“Living room.”

“What are you up to?” Sam asks, kicking off his shoes. When he walks into the living room he finds Cas’s clothes scattered all over the floor. Cas is stretched out naked on his couch, lazily stroking his dick. “Oh fuck.”

“Glad you could make it.”

“Would you hate me if I told you I don't wanna fuck right away?” Sam asks, unable to drag his eyes off of Cas pleasuring himself.

Cas arches off the couch, simulating the activity Sam is aching to do with him. “No, I wouldn't. But could you tell me why?”

“What if I wanna, uh, kiss and cuddle and wait for Dean to get home before I take your ass?” The words spill out in a rush. _God,_ it sounds wrong. Twisted. But he doesn't try to take them back because it _is_ what he wants.

Cas runs his free hand through his hair, mulling it over. “You don't even want me to give you the best blowjob of your life?”

“I'd rather fuck your ass while you give Dean the best blowjob of _his_ life.”

Cas’s moan goes straight to Sam's cock. He sits up, eyes locking on Sam. “It's been awhile since I've had anyone's dick in my ass besides Dean’s.”

“Is that a no?”

Cas snorts and gets up, walking over to him. “Absolutely not. I'm looking forward to getting used. Do I get a kiss hello?”

After a few hesitant seconds he launches himself at Cas, kissing him hard and desperate. “Why aren't you freaked out?”

Cas wraps his arms around Sam's neck. “Why _would_ I be freaked out?”

“I asked if we could have a threesome with Dean and… you actually seem into it.”

Cas chuckles, tugging on Sam until he starts moving in the direction of the couch. Once there, Cas pushes him onto it. “I _am._ You're suggesting I should be in the middle of a threesome. _Me_. Sam… this is high up on the list of things I want to experience with you.”

“I'm starting to get it.”

“Let yourself enjoy this. I'm serious. Hell, it’s possible you’re freaking out for no reason. We don't even know if Dean will say yes,” Cas points out, climbing into Sam's lap.

“Fine.” Sam's hands roam over Cas before squeezing his bare ass possessively. “God, it feels _right_. Being here. Touching you. I didn't think it would feel right but it does.”

Cas hums, grinding down on Sam. “Just wait until you feel how right it is to be inside me.”

Sam groans, latching onto Cas’s throat, giving him a love bite. “If you're trying to speed this up -"

“I'm not,” Cas moans softly. “Do you promise to give me more marks? I want Dean to see all of them.”

“Hell yes,” Sam hisses, licking the hickey. “Unless Dean hates it. Will he hate it?”

“It might make him put his own marks on me.”

“Good. Now lay down on the couch.”

_Now isn't the time to be unsure and awkward. Take control, Sam. Show him you're worth keeping around._

Cas winks at Sam and slides off his lap, laying down without question. Sam settles between Cas’s legs and begins marking up his collarbone. “I have a feeling you're used to getting what you want.”

“Yes. And I intend to keep it that way,” Cas purrs, arching into Sam's mouth.

“How do you plan on keeping it that way?” Sam shifts down the couch and tilts his head, tonguing at Cas's nipples. Cas doesn't answer, not with words. He rolls his hips up, dick touching Sam. “Hmm. I should ignore your cock for being so naughty. Really make you beg.”

“I suppose that's fair. Does that mean I get to service yours?”

Sam shakes his head. “You wish. No, you're gonna let me do whatever I want and be happy about it.”

Cas tugs on Sam's hair. “You sound like your brother.”

Sam moans, a stab of lust hitting him in the stomach. "I'm glad." He presses Cas's thighs further apart and begins covering them with dark love bites. "It's what I wanted. Do you like it?"

Cas shakes his head. " No,” he says. " If I wanted Dean, I would have waited for him to come home. I invited you over because I want _you_ , Sam.”

Sam flinches and sits up. "I'm not... I'm just not confident, Cas. I thought being like Dean would help this be less awkward."

Cas follows Sam and pulls him into a kiss. "I don't care,” he says. "I don't care that you aren’t confident. What I care about is you being _authentic_ , Sam. I want to learn you."

“I have so much baggage, though,” Sam rasps. “I'm not right for someone like you. You've got your shit together.”

“You think I have my shit together?" Cas asks, the volume of his voice inching higher. " I'm a fucking artist. I 'have my shit together' because I have an amazing man in my life who is supporting my dream." He kisses Sam again. "I don't care if you’re a mess. I don't care about your baggage.”

Sam makes himself keep his eyes on Cas. “I thought I could be like Dean. Thought I could mess around with you, keep it casual. But I don't think I can.”

“What do you want to be?”

Sam leans in to nip at Cas’s lips. “I don't know. But I wanna be a bigger part of your life than I currently am.”

“We should sit down and have a discussion with Dean,” Cas decides after an uncomfortable but brief silence. “It's up to him too. If he's willing to share on a regular basis, I'd enjoy exploring something more serious with you.”

“What if he says no?”

Cas shrugs. “We can cross that bridge when we get there, just like with the threesome. No point in speculation.”

“Lay back down. There's something I've been fantasizing about doing to you and I can't wait any longer."

 “That sounds promising,” Cas breathes, stretching out on the couch again, hands above his head.

Sam easily lifts the lower half of Cas’s body off the couch and licks into his hole with a desperate moan.

“Sam!” Cas jerks, his body going stiff in Sam's grasp before fucking himself on his tongue. “You're really fucking good at that. Feel free to keep going.”

“Glad you like it.” Sam dips his tongue back into Cas’s ass.

Cas adjusts, doing his best to hold himself open for Sam. “God, you're beautiful.”

"You aren't allowed to say that when you're the one getting fucked open," Sam breathes between licks. He’s rock hard in his jeans just from rimming Cas.  

“Yes, I am.”

Sam drags his tongue along Cas's perineum and over his balls. "Quit being a brat.”

“Oh fuck fuck _fuck_ ,” Cas chants, wiggling on Sam's tongue.

The front door opens but Sam keeps his tongue buried in Cas, in part because of Cas’s noises but also because he doubts Dean will mind.

“What the fuck do you think you're doing?” Dean asks.

Sam freezes and ice enters his veins. His brother sounds _angry._ Why is he angry?

“What does it look like?” Cas pants, flinging his legs over Sam's shoulders. He lifts his hips, encouraging Sam to continue tasting him.

“Seriously? On our couch where I'll have no choice but to see? You two are unbelievable. I should beat your asses for forcing me to see this -"

Sam pulls off Cas but the ‘sorry’ he's about to say dies on his tongue when he sees Dean's face. There is laughter in his eyes and a smirk on his lips. One look and Sam is confident Dean isn't angry at all.

“You fucking _jerk_ ,” Sam hisses. “I fucking believed you.”

“Sam,” Cas groans. “Come on -"

Dean shrugs, eyes drifting to Cas. “Get mad later. Right now, you better give Cas the orgasm he's begging for.”

Sam runs the tip of his nose along Cas’s dick. “Was gonna ask if you wanted to join us but now I don't think I will.”

“Uh.” Dean makes a weird little choking sound. “Wouldn't that be incest?”

“Only if you touch,” Cas breathes, thankfully speaking up so Sam doesn't have to. “I'd be in the middle. That's less weird, right?”

“He's already so desperate,” Sam adds, keeping his eyes down and away from Dean. It's the only way he has the courage to get the words out. “We could really torture him if we joined forces.”

“Look at me, Sam.”

He takes a deep, shaky breath before obeying. Dean's not smirking anymore. “You don't have -"

“If you’re seriously asking, I'll do it,” Dean says, cutting Sam off. He kicks off his steel toe boots, keeping his eyes on Sam. “Little worried about it getting weird… but Cas deserves to get tortured a bit.”

“Karma is a bitch, you know,” Cas says, wiggling his ass. “I can't wait to see it come right back to you.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “I'll get the lube.”

With that, he leaves the room and Sam's finally able to breathe.

Cas squirms. “Excited?”

“Yeah,” Sam breathes out, leaning down again to kiss Cas’s tempting hole. “But also nervous. Think Dean's okay?”

“He's nervous too,” Cas replies, tilting his head to the side. “Why did you suggest this threesome idea, Sam? What do _you_ get out of it?”

“It doesn't matter,” Sam forces out.

“You wanna fuck your brother -"

“ _No_! No, I don't. I just thought it'd be fun to share you.”

“I don't believe you,” Cas says with a wicked smirk.

Sam splutters, mouth agape. “This is a serious accusation, Cas. You think I'm attracted to Dean. Why are you smiling when saying something so fucked up?”

Cas shrugs. “It's interesting.”

“Okay, _fine._ I'm _curious_. But that's it. A harmless thought I've toyed with recently since getting back in contact with him, nothing serious. So please don't say anything.”

Cas’s face grows solemn. “I won't tell him. I swear it. And I hope the threesome helps you sort out your thoughts.”

Sam lets out a relieved sigh and kisses Cas hard. He kisses him even harder when he hears footsteps and feels the couch dip with the weight of Dean next to him. Then he sits up, chest heaving. “Would you rather finger Cas open and I watch you? Or should I do it?”

“You do it, Sam,” Cas answers instead of Dean.

"Fine." Sam licks his lips, holding out his fingers in front of Dean. "Can you squeeze out the amount of lube you think I'll need?"

Dean did as asked, giving Sam an awkward smile. “There you go.”

“Thanks,” Sam rasps. “You gonna make sure I pleasure Cas properly?”

“Yeah,” Dean says. “Cas is loud, so you'll know when you're doing it right but I can help.”

Sam nods and presses a lubed finger into Cas. Cas gives a small moan and spreads his legs impossibly wider. “What do I do?”

“Just fuck him with one finger for a bit. You'll feel Cas loosen up.”

Sam groans and wiggles his finger inside Cas’s hole. “You okay, Dean?”

“I'm good.”

Disbelief fills Sam's chest and he keeps fucking his finger into Cas. "Do whatever you want, man. Sorry for... you know. Trying to get you to help me. Not your job."

“I said I was good. Wasn't lying.”

“Stop bickering,” Cas growls.

“Not bickering,” Sam disagrees, wiggling another finger inside Cas. “I'm trying to be nice.”

“Yes,” Cas gasps, clenching on Sam's fingers.

“Know where his prostate is?” Dean asks. “If you can't find it, I can show you.”

“Show me,” Sam breathes. “Please.”

“Take one of your fingers out, Sam,” Dean instructs.

Sam obeys then glances at Dean. “There.”

Dean moves close to Sam, so close he can feel Dean’s body heat. Then he stretches out his arm and slips a finger in next to Sam's.

“Jesus Christ, this is so fucking hot,” Cas says. His cock blurts out precome, begging Sam to taste it.

“It really is,” Sam agrees.

Dean glances at him before maneuvering his finger with Sam's and presses against Cas's prostate. Cas whines, his toned thighs shaking as he _takes_ it. “Right here. You can actually milk him. Make him come on your fingers. Cas is so pretty when he makes a mess.”

"Do we wanna milk him?" Sam pants. "Cause I gotta say... I really wanna fuck his brains out, so I'm not sure milking him would be the best idea. But I'll leave it up to you."

Cas whimpers. "Please, Dean. I need his cock.”  
  
Dean nods. "I guess I'll teach you that another time." He winks at Sam and pulls out his finger. “Rub your finger. _Gently._ Tease him a little.”

Sam obeys and rubs his finger in small circles, massaging Cas’s prostate.

“ _Sam.”_ Cas squirms, letting out little gasps and making Sam wanna take him apart.

“Go ahead and put three fingers in,” Dean says. His voice breaks a little, betraying his own lust.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Cas murmurs, head falling back against the couch.

_At least I'm not the only pervert here._

Sam licks his lips and eagerly fills Cas up. "Are you gonna need more than this, Cas? I don't wanna hurt you."  

“Three fingers is plenty,” Cas says. “I invited you here to get your _cock_ , not to get fisted.”

“Okay, jeez.” Sam pauses, mulling it over. “Guess I should get undressed then, huh?”

“Yes! Come on, Sam. Show me.”

Sam groans and glances at Dean as he pulls his fingers free from Cas’s ass. “You gonna get naked too?”

“This is so fucking weird,” Dean says, voice barely there.

"It's weird," Sam admits as he tugs his shirt over his head, exposing his upper body to anyone looking - like _Dean_. "But it's a good weird. Right?”

Dean eyes Cas and Sam dubiously before following suit, standing up and wiggling out of his green polo shirt and dark pants.

“Come here,” Cas rasps, reaching out for Sam once he’s naked. “You're too beautiful not to touch.”

“God. You're so fucking bossy for a bottom, huh?” Sam asks fondly. He teases Cas a little longer, showing off the length of his fat cock.

“ _Please_ let me taste you,” Cas breathes, watching Sam's dick.

“Should I let him?” Sam asks, eyes flicking down to _Dean's_ hard dick before looking him in the face.

“Make him beg for it.”

"Whatever you say." Sam inches his way over to Cas. "Can you finish opening Cas for me?”

Dean settles between his boyfriend's legs. He grins at Cas and lays a kiss on the tip of his cock before shoving three fingers inside Cas’s ass. Cas gasps and his eyes meet Sam's. "Please, Sam. Please let me taste your cock. Jesus Christ I need it in my mouth. I need to feel how heavy it is on my tongue. I'll be so good for you, I promise. Just please let me have it. Sam, _please_."

Sam’s cock twitches happily at Cas's beautiful begging. "Jesus, Cas. Okay. Okay, I'm here, I've got you." He kneels on the couch, dick hanging an inch or two above Cas's mouth. Cas will be able to reach but he'll have to work for it. "Is he normally this desperate, Dean?"

"Sometimes." Dean replies. He wiggles his fingers inside Cas. "He loves getting fucked and from the look of it, you’re bigger than I am.”  
  
Cas moans and sits up so he can lick all over the head of Sam's cock. Then he fondles Sam's balls. “Come closer, Sam. _Please_.”

“Move me how you want me if I'm not close enough,” Sam taunts.

“Sam,” Cas growls. His eyes are blown wide with lust. “Don't make me come after you.”

Sam shivers, chewing on his lower lip before turning to sit on Cas’s chest. He wants to see Dean, wants to watch what his big brother was doing. In this position, he can't. But Cas _needs_ this from him, so he'll comply. He smacks his cock against Cas's lips. "This better, Cas? Me on top of you? Straddling you?"

" _Yes_. I just want to feel you. Just for a moment,” he says and opens his mouth wide. He slips his tongue out, silently begging for Sam's cock.

“Just for a moment, huh? Okay,” Sam rasps, gently rolling his hips, pushing his cock into Cas’s sweet little mouth. Cas is good. He isn't licking or sucking Sam, just holding him in his mouth as his nose flares for breath. “ _Cas_. Oh fuck. Dean… is Cas ready?”

“Yeah, he's ready,” Dean says.

“Gotta let go,” Sam gasps, stroking Cas's cheek. “Need to get inside your hole, fuck you deep.”

Cas nods and opens his mouth, letting Sam pull out. “I can't wait, Sam.”  

“Sit down with your legs spread. Feet flat on the floor,” Sam demands, getting off of Cas so he can gently push on Dean’s chest. Surprisingly, Dean obeys without complaint. Sam grabs a big leather footstool and situates it in front of Dean. "Okay, Cas. Your knees go on this and you'll be bending down to suck Dean off. Keep your ass high in the air so I can fuck you."  

“Yes, Sam, yes,” Cas hisses, kissing him before getting into position.

Sam nips along Cas’s spine. “Suck my brother down,” he breathes, eyes finding Dean.

“Kinky,” Dean says. He looks up at Sam, holding his gaze as Cas greedily sucks on Dean’s cock.

“Can I fuck him bare?” Sam asks, so turned on he can hardly take it. “Can I mark him with my come?”

Dean strokes his fingers through Cas’s hair. “You can fuck him as hard as you want. Use him without a condom. Fill him up, Sammy.”

Sam slams forward, entering Cas in one long thrust and bottoms out. “Hold my hands, Dean.”

“You're so weird,” Dean murmurs but he takes Sam's hands.

“ _Sam_ , fuck, you feel so good.”

“Yeah, sweetheart? What feels good?” Sam asks, looking deep into Dean's eyes as he intertwines their fingers.

_Intimate. This is fucking intimate and Dean isn't looking away._

Cas wiggles beneath Sam. “Your cock.”

 “You can have as much of it as you want,” Sam promises, giving an almost brutal thrust.

“Jeez, Sammy. You're destroying his ass,” Dean blurts out, seeming to regret it as soon as he says it. His tongue darts out of his mouth, wetting his lips.

Sam's eyes track the movement. “Maybe a little… you always look this good when you're getting sucked off?”

Dean blinks, his mouth falling open. "F-fuck... I- I don't know."

“I'm gonna take a guess and say yes,” Sam breathes. “Bet Cas would agree.”

Cas gives a hearty groan in reply and clenches down hard on Sam.

Sam grins and snaps his hips sharply. “See? He agrees. You look really fucking good when you're getting sucked off.”

“He's my boyfriend. You're my _brother_.”

“And we're involved in a threesome together,” Sam counters. “Hard to pretend you don't look good.”

“Oh my god.” Dean’s fingers tighten around Sam's. “Jesus, that's fucked.”

_He's not pulling his hands away though. Dean's still looking at me._

Sam glances down at Cas, watching him give Dean a sloppy blow job. “You gonna come for us?”

“Yeah,” Dean groans and spills into Cas’s mouth. He can tell because his voice gets rougher and Cas chokes before swallowing Dean's come.

Once Dean's finished with his orgasm Sam pulls Cas off Dean’s cock and manhandles him onto the floor.

“Give it to me,” Cas says when he hits the ground.

Sam rolls his hips, easily slipping into Cas’s stretched hole. “Wrap your legs around my hips if you want it so bad.”

“How does my ass feel?” Cas asks, licking into Sam's mouth.

A surge of lust slams into Sam because that’s _Dean_ on Cas's tongue. Sam lets out a satisfied sigh. "Your ass is perfect. I dunno how I went so long without experimenting with a guy.”

“Hear that, Dean?”

“Yes,” Dean rasps.

“Why are you asking Dean if he heard?” Sam asks, hiding his face in Cas’s neck as he takes him hard.

 “Because hearing you say that is so fucking _hot,_ Sam,” Cas replies. He clings to Sam tightly.

 “How do I make Cas come?” Sam pants. It's probably a rude question to ask without eye contact but he can't quite manage it.

Dean moves behind Sam and takes his hips into his hands. He angles Sam a little and pushes him back in. Cas cries out, toes curling. “Gotta fuck him like you mean it.”

Sam whimpers, nearly coming as soon as Dean places his hands on him. "Don't stop. Use me like a tool. Want him to come like this. With you helping.”

“Don't be afraid of his cock, Sammy. Stroke it.” Dean settles his chin on Sam's shoulder as he pushes him into Cas again.

“Not afraid of it,” Sam pants, giving Cas’s dick a firm stroke. “Like this?”

“Just like that, Sam. I'm so close.”

Sam strokes him faster and that's it, that's all it takes. Cas paints his own stomach and chest with come and Sam chases him over the edge. He thinks he says Cas’s name but he's not completely sure. His ability to hear and breathe is limited. It's just _Cas_ milking his cock. _Cas_ squeezing him tight.

He's so thankful he might cry.

 

* * *

 

 

By the time Sam's finished in the shower, the sun is coming up and he's bone tired. He’s given permission to spend the night and finds himself in Dean and Cas’s bed with Cas happily snuggled in the middle.

“Hey, Dean. You awake?”

Dean's hand snakes out, lightly touching Sam’s hand. “Yeah. What's up?”

“Ever hear of polyamory?”

Dean sucks in a breath. Cas, meanwhile, smirks against Sam's throat. “Yeah. I mean, I'm more accustomed to one night stands and fuck buddies but I've heard of honest to god triads and shit. Why?”

“I just can't help but feel like I would be so fucking happy if Cas was my boyfriend too. Uh. If you were okay with it, of course.”

“I'm open to it but how would you want it to work?” Dean asks, giving Sam's hand a gentle squeeze.

They're holding hands again. It's fucked up how into it Sam is but at least Cas doesn't seem to mind. “He was yours first,” Sam says weakly. “I can't decide something like this. It's too big.”

“What do you think, Cas?”

Cas licks at where Sam's pulse is pounding in his throat. “I say we go with the flow and just see what happens. Sam and I fuck around when and where we want, go out for dates, and just enjoy each other's company. If in a few months we decide we still work… I could stay with Sam a few nights a week.”

“Like shared custody or something?” Dean teases.

“Oh, fuck _you_ ,” Cas growls, turning over so he can attack Dean with kisses. “You're an ass.”

“I am. Good thing I'm pretty, right?”

Cas grumbles something Sam can't quite hear and he's fine with that. He really is. Sam can't stop smiling because it's happening. _Really_ happening. Dean and Cas let him in. Easily, too. It doesn't feel like he's intruding.

“I have one condition for you dating Cas,” Dean says, interrupting Sam's thoughts.

Sam kisses Cas’s bare shoulder. “What's that?”

“Family night. The three of us. Every week without fail,” Dean says, no hint of teasing in his voice.

“Seriously?” Sam's face hurts he's smiling so hard. “I dunno, man. That's asking a lot. How many hours?”

“Dinner and a movie at least.” A pause. “You spending the night would be even better.”

Sam's chest swells something akin to fucking _joy_. He couldn’t have asked for a better reaction from his brother. “You'll have to kick me out, dude. I don't plan on leaving on my own accord.”

Dean _laughs,_ a full body shake that has Sam's stomach fluttering pleasantly. “Never. You're stuck with us.”

“Stuck with us,” Cas agrees softly. “We might not be fully certain of the dynamic yet - but you belong here.”

For the first time in a long time, Sam believes it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to hear what you think! Comments and kudos give me life.
> 
> If I'm missing any important tags please let me know!


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